


Broken Pieces

by Skylar_Inkstone



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-12-30 18:25:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18320792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar_Inkstone/pseuds/Skylar_Inkstone
Summary: After five years of her girlfriend being a missing person, Katya realizes just how fucked she is when she shows up, unannounced, looking like she was standing in Death's doorstep instead of her apartment that they used to share.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been almost five years since Trixie disappeared. And while Katya would have had preferred to continually mourn her missing girlfriend, time had a way of slipping by. She hadn’t tried to go out and see anyone since Trixie, and her friends didn’t like her apartment, because Trixie’s stuff was still there, in random corners. It made them feel uncomfortable, they claimed. Katya just knew it was because they would rather forget that she still refused to let go of the tiny hope that Trixie would come back. Sure, the police said that she was probably as good as dead, after a few months of searching, but Katya quietly refused to believe it. All of her friends hated her apartment.

            So when she heard a knock at her door, she was mildly surprised. No one actually came to visit anymore.

            She opened the door to find a woman who was about a head taller than she, though she was hunched over a bit. She looked far too thin to be healthy and smelled. Her hair was matted down, caked with what looked like dirt and… was that blood? Her blue eyes look haunted and her face gaunt and thin.

            “Can I help you,” Katya asked.

            The woman hugged herself. “Hi Katya.”

            Katya froze. Her heart skipped a beat, jolting in her chest. She would know that voice anywhere. But… It couldn’t be true. She hadn’t seen or heard from her in five years.

            _“Trixie?!”_

            “Can I please come in? I’m so tired and my leg hurts really badly.”

            Katya glanced down and felt the blood drain from her face. Trixie’s leg was sticking at an awkward angle.

            “Of course. It’s technically your home too.” Katya had a two second debate as to whether or not she should actually let Trixie walk in by herself. Her leg was clearly broken in a really bad way.

            So without a word, Katya tugged Trixie’s arm over her shoulder. If Trixie was surprised, she didn’t show it. She only leaned on Katya and hobbled alongside her, stumbling a bit when Katya didn’t turn towards the living room.

            “Katya, where..?” Trixie trailed off as she realized that Katya was leading her to the bedroom.

            “You’re going on bedrest,” Katya informed her decisively, ignoring her inner turmoil at Trixie’s sudden return. “There is no way that I’m going to let you walk on that leg.”

            Trixie stayed quiet, grunting softly when she sat on the bed’s edge.

            “Lay down,” Katya ordered. “I’m going to call Peppermint.”

            “Wha- Katya no! You can’t let anyone know I’m here!” Trixie struggled to rise from where she had laid down.

            Katya frowned, gently pushing her back down. “Trixie, you need medical attention.”

            “No! You don’t understand! I shouldn’t even have come here!”

            “Trixie…”

            “Please… Please Katya, don’t tell anyone.”

            Katya shook her head. “I’m sorry Trixie, you _clearly_ need medical attention. I don’t know where you’ve been these past five years and, quite frankly, I don’t care. What I do care is you losing that leg permanently.”

            “You don’t understand!” Trixie started to cry and Katya was disturbed by the look of panic and absolute fear on her… Well, she wasn’t quite girlfriends with Trixie anymore, was she? “If he found out where I went…” Trixie trailed off, choking on her words, her face draining of blood, leaving her slightly paler than before. Katya sat on the bed next to her.

            “Trixie, baby. I need you to calm down, okay? I promise I won’t tell anyone you’re here, okay? I need you to take deep breathes for me. In. Out. In. Out. There you go. In. Out. In. Out.”

            It took a few minutes, but eventually, Trixie’s breathing eased.

            “Better?”

            Trixie nodded, her eyes drooping.

            “Why don’t you go to sleep? We can talk in the morning.”

            Clearly exhausted, Trixie closed her eyes and within seconds, was fast asleep. Katya knew she wasn’t going to get any of that tonight. She had too much to do. Something had happened to Trixie and Katya was determined to find out what. There was no way she was going to let Trixie stay as broken as she seemed.

            So Katya quietly got off the bed and went into the kitchen, grabbed her phone and her pack and lighter. She went onto the balcony, dialing Peppermint’s number.

            “Hello?”

            Katya took a deep drag from her newly light cigarette. “Hey Pep. I got a favor to ask of you.”

            “What?”

            Katya inhaled some more smoke before answering. “Would you be able to come over, ask no questions and be able to set a broken leg bone?”

            “Theoretically.”

            “Please? I’ll pay you.”

            Peppermint sighed. “Okay, fine. I’ll be there in ten.”

            “Thank you Pep,” Katya said as calmly as she could.

            “No problem,” Peppermint replied. She hung up.

            Katya waited a few minutes before she grounded out the rest of the cigarette, heading back inside. Trixie was going to kill her.

            Until Peppermint arrived, Katya decided to sit on the edge of the bed, watching Trixie’s chest rise and fall in a shallow pattern. Katya didn’t trust her not to die now that she finally was back in her life.

            “Don’t die on me mama,” she whispered for good measure. Trixie gave no sign that she heard her.

            A knock on the door sent her scurrying to get it.

            Opening it, Katya saw that Peppermint was in her pajamas. Shit. She hadn’t realized what time it was, but it was already past midnight.

            “Thanks for coming Pep.”

            “Of course. But you don’t look like you have a broken leg.”

            Katya shook her head. “Not me. T… An old friend is here. She isn’t doing so hot.”

            “Where is she?”

            “In my bed.”

            Peppermint nodded and walked passed Katya, into the bedroom. She stopped when she saw Trixie.

            “Katya… Who exactly did you say this was again?”

            She walked up next to Peppermint. “An old friend. You promised you wouldn’t ask questions.”

            “No, I think I’m asking questions. Why the hell is the person so beat up?”

            Katya shrugged. “No idea. She wouldn’t tell me.”

            Peppermint frowned, and then, suddenly, she spun to face Katya.

            “This isn’t Trixie, is it?”

            “Wha-what? No! No! Of course not!”

            “Katya,” came a confused sounding voice from the bed. Katya slowly turned around to look at Trixie, who was gazing at her and Peppermint.

            “Yeah?”

            “Is… Did you…”

            “This is Peppermint. She’s here to fix you up.”

            Katya knew anything she said would be the wrong thing, so she wasn’t surprised when Trixie went white.

            “What,” she gasped.

            “Trixie, honey. Calm down. We need to set that leg back up right or else you’re never going to be able to walk correctly.”

            Trixie shook her head, backing up until she hit the headboard, cowering.

            Peppermint gave Katya a significant look. “So this _is_ Trixie.”

            “Can you just fix her up? Please?”

            “If she’ll let me touch her long enough to set the bone and get a splint on the leg.”

            Katya frowned. “Splint?”

            “You’ll have to take her to the ER to get a proper cast.”

            “Shit.”

            “Katya,” gasped out Trixie. Katya looked at her. Trixie’s blue eyes were wide and afraid, her pupils clearly dilated. She was white and shaking violently, gripping at her hair.

            Katya clambered onto the bed and pulled Trixie into a hug. “Sh… I promise, nobody is going to hurt you.”

            Peppermint, as discreetly as she could, gently took Trixie’s leg into her hands, mouthing ‘hold her still’ to Katya, who nodded, squeezing Trixie as tight as she dared.

            When Peppermint started to move the bone, Trixie went still, her eyes welling up with pain. It quickly developed into screams.

            “Sh… Trixie. It’s going to be over soon. Just a few more seconds.” Katya was carefully to be sure Trixie couldn’t move.

            It seemed like hours, but in reality, only minutes past. Peppermint expertly placed the splint and stood up.

            “Alright. I’m all done. Katya, can I talk to you in the living room?”

            Trixie whimpered.

            “I’ll be right back baby, okay?” Katya gave Trixie a soft peck on her forehead.

            Trixie shook her head, but Katya knew that Peppermint was waiting. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’m just going to be right outside the door.”

            Katya forced herself to ignore Trixie’s sniffles and went to go to talk to Peppermint, heading out of the bedroom and into the living room.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Peppermint didn’t know what to think. It felt like Katya was being irresponsible, but she knew that she wasn’t. Katya was actually being very reasonable. She was handling the situation as best as she could.

            Peppermint had never truly had the chance to meet Trixie, she had disappeared about two months after she had become friends with Katya. But she had seen more than enough photos and videos that Katya had continually shown her to recognize Trixie.

            “Okay, what did you want to discuss with me?”

            Peppermint mentally shook herself and looked Katya dead in the eye.

            “Trixie needs professional help.”

            Katya snorted. “No shit, Sherlock.”

            “No, like, she needs to start seeing a therapist.”

            Katya raised an eyebrow. “Really now? I haven’t noticed.”

            Peppermint huffed in frustration, unable to properly convey the seriousness of the situation.

            “Katya, what do you think happened to Trixie while she was gone?”

            Katya shrugged. “I don’t know.”

            “Well I have a few guesses.”

            “And?”

            “I think that whatever happened to her… Katya, I don’t think this development in Trixie happened overnight. Hell, it couldn’t even have happened over a year. Katya, I think Trixie was kidnapped.”

            Katya nodded. “Obviously. She wouldn’t have just upped and left me.”

            “No, Katya. I think she was kidnapped and then abused.”

            Peppermint watched with equal parts dread and equal parts relief as Katya’s face drastically paled. She could see that she finally understood what Peppermint had been trying to tell her.

            Someone had actually managed to get to her.

            Somebody had broken Trixie in ways that neither Katya nor Peppermint cared to imagine.

            And Trixie had suffered through it.

            And she broke because of it.

            Peppermint heard a sob rise out of Katya, the Russian’s eyes welling with tears.

            Trixie was broken, and it was unclear if either her or Katya would be truly okay ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After five years of her girlfriend being a missing person, Katya realizes just how fucked she is when she shows up, unannounced, looking like she was standing in Death's doorstep instead of her apartment that they used to share.

            She was too tired to process anything, so Katya changed into pajamas, ready to fall asleep, exhausted emotionally, mentally and physically. After texting her boss that she wouldn’t be able to make it into work, Katya crawled into bed at four in the morning, careful not to touch Trixie. She really wanted to, but Katya thought that it would be a poor idea to touch Trixie without her permission. Sometime later, she drifted off to sleep, only to wake when Trixie started screaming an hour later.

            “Trixie? Trixie!” Katya didn’t want to yell at her, scared that it would only make whatever happening worse. So she took a deep breath and shook Trixie awake.

            “Don’t touch me!” Trixie eyes flew open, clearly in a panicked state of mind. “Don’t touch me,” she whispered, tugging the blanket around herself.

            “Trixie, baby, it’s okay,” Katya said in the calmest voice she could muster. “I’m here. You’re with me. You’re home.”

            Trixie’s eyes darted to Katya’s face.

            “Don’t worry, I’m here mama.”

            Slow, fat tears started sliding down Trixie’s face and Katya was very startled when Trixie wrapped her arms around her, nearly cutting off her air supply.

            “You’re real,” Katya heard Trixie whisper to herself. “You’re here.”

            If her heart hadn’t been broken earlier, it was absolutely shattered now. Katya gently placed her own arms around the sobbing woman.

            “I’m here and very real,” Katya softly promised her. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Katya finally managed to calm Trixie down enough, wisely deciding not to ask about whatever nightmare had woken her up. Peppermint was right, she would need a professional and Katya was far from what Trixie needed in that particular aspect.

            Instead, Katya encouraged Trixie to clean up, once realizing that she didn’t want to go back to sleep.

            “Come on, baby. I even got a new tub, it has jets and everything. I think you’d feel a lot better after a long soak.”

            Trixie shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

            Katya glanced at Trixie’s leg, still in a splint. “I know, mama, but you really should. I can’t bring you to the ER with you looking like this. And once you get a cast, you won’t be able to properly shower. Besides, wouldn’t you rather a hot bath?”

            “No.”

            Katya sighed. It was like dealing with a petulant child. A really fucked up petulant child, but a petulant child nonetheless.

            “Pretty please? I’ll make you tea or hot chocolate that you can drink in the tub.”

            “No. I don’t want to take a bath or a shower.”

            “Why not?”

            A shudder ran through Trixie, who started to pick at invisible lint on the blanket.

            Katya went to pull Trixie into a hug, but stopped herself. “Baby, is it okay if I touch you?”

            Trixie turned from looking at the blanket to stare at Katya, her eyes wide. “I… Sure?”

            Katya, relived, gently took Trixie and hugged her. After a moment, Trixie sagged into Katya’s embrace.

            “Please tell me why you don’t want to get clean baby,” Katya begged, whispering.

            “I… Because… You wouldn’t understand.”

            Katya pulled away from the hug. “What?”

            Trixie shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself. “You won’t understand,” she whispered.

            “I can’t understand if you won’t even let me try.”

            Trixie shrugged, looking away.

            “Baby, please. Give me a chance.”

            “I…” Katya scooted over so she was facing Trixie.

            “What,” Katya whispered.

            “It… It’s going to sound so stupid.”

            “Wha- Hey, hey! Don’t cry! I promise, nothing you say sounds stupid.”

            Trixie tried to wipe her tears away, but there were too many. Through the sobs that started, Katya was unable to understand her.

            “Baby, baby. I need you to calm down, okay? Come on mama, deep breathes, just like mine. In, out. In out. There you go. In, out. In, out.”

            Trixie was able to stifle her crying, finally blurting out, “I can’t wash because I don’t deserve to.”

            Katya was startled, flinching at the confession.

            “What?”

            “I can’t… I can’t be clean because I don’t deserve to be clean,” Trixie sobbed.

            Katya was at a loss for words, so she hesitantly placed a hand on Trixie’s shoulder. When she wasn’t rejected, she pulled Trixie into a tight hug, trying to comfort the sobbing woman.

            “Sh… It’s okay. Don’t cry. There’s nothing to be upset about. I don’t know where the idea that you don’t deserve to get clean came from, but when you’re here, with me? Not only do I believe that you deserve to be clean, but it’s a requirement, okay? I don’t want to see you looking uncared for because I don’t just care for you, I love you. But if you really don’t want to get clean… That’s okay too.”

            Katya knew that she was just spouting nonsense that was probably just making things worse, but she couldn’t help herself.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Everything just felt like too much. She couldn’t believe that she had done the impossible, but she had done it. And it was so overwhelming to think about.

            The one constant that kept her going was Katya. Katya who was currently rambling like the loon she was, trying to make her stop crying. Realizing that she loved Katya too much to refuse her, Trixie sniffed one last time.

            “Okay,” she whispered more to herself than to Katya. “I’ll take a bath. I’ll get cleaned.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            Katya saw the way Trixie cringed when she asked her for help getting her clothes off, which seemed to be stuck to her body. Once they had gotten it all off, Katya tried her best to hide her horror at seeing Trixie’s body.

            Trixie didn’t just look it, she w _as_ wasted away. There was none of the curves that Katya remembered worshipping all those years ago, none of the fat that Trixie hated and Katya loved.

            Katya could count Trixie’s ribs, faintly protruding from beneath her skin. It was terrifying.

            “Good god, Tallulah,” Katya breathed. “How much food have you been getting?”

            Trixie’s face flushed. “Not much,” she mumbled.

            Katya realized that she had made Trixie feel something negative, quickly tried to rectify the situation, wanting to only nurture good feelings.

            “It’s okay baby. We’ll get you on a good diet. Get some food back in your system.”

            Trixie didn’t say anything.

            “Alright, let’s get you into this tub.”

            With Katya’s assistance, Trixie was able to get into the tub, which Katya had filled with bubbles. After showing Trixie how to work the jets, she looked up at Katya and laughed softly.

            “I feel like a kid,” she explained.

            Katya giggled. “I feel like I’m taking care of one, so at least we’re on the same page.”

            “Oh, shut _up_ ,” cackled Trixie.

            “Never! How else am I supposed to drive you crazy mama?”

            Trixie scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh honey, I’m sure you can think up of many ways to do that.”

            Katya nodded, but didn’t say anything, sitting down next to the tub on the folding chair she had dragged into the bathroom.

            After a short while, Trixie broke the silence.

            “Hey, Kat?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Wash my hair for me?”

            Katya’s face broke out in a grin. “Of course!”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

            The smile on Katya’s face was like a sudden bright light shining into Trixie’s world. It felt gratifying that the efforts she was making to try to be positive instead of scared were being met so enthusiastically. Of course, she was constantly feeling like she was at the brink of a panic attack at any given moment, but it was well worth pushing it away just to see Katya happy.

            It was the least Trixie felt she could do. After all, for all she knew, Katya was seeing somebody. And even if she wasn’t, she still opened her home and heart right away to take care of her. Katya really didn’t have to. After all, it had been Trixie who disappeared for five years. And all what she wanted to do was to let Katya know how much it means to her. And how much Trixie still loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is about as good as I'm going to get with this chapter, although it isn't really the direction I wanted to take it in. Right train, wrong track - whatever. I'm still decently happy with it so... Yeah.  
> Anyways, if you know anything about rehab centers and how they function and operate, hit me up and talk to me, I've been trying to research for another fanfic and I can't find any good info.  
> You can talk to me here or on Tumblr @our-blood-is-our-ink.

**Author's Note:**

> So chapters will PROBABLY not be this long or if they are, than the updates will be sparingly and random. Anyways, come talk to me @our-blood-is-our-ink on Tumblr! I'd love to take to y'all!


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